sebuah evaluasi

beberapa waktu belakangan rasanya semua hal sedang berantakan, bercecer tidak dalam posisi.

sebagian karena keadaan di tengah pandemi, sebagian lagi karena "dipaksa" untuk lebih mengenal diri sendiri.

aneh rasanya menyadari bahwa diri sendiri ternyata malah orang paling asing, rumah paling tidak berpenghuni.

mungkin memang kadang kita, or at least me, harus dihadapkan pada situasi genting dulu supaya sadar bahwa semua hal berotasi, dimana pada akhirnya cuma bisa pulang ke diri sendiri.

banyak emosi asing yang belum dikenali, but damn all i did cuma lari menghindari, disusul puluhan episode menghukum diri.

tersiksa dengan pikiran-tindakan yang jadi racun buat pribadi.

menuntut ini-itu untuk kembali ternyata cuma buang energi.

yang harus berusaha berselaras dengan kondisi hanya satu orang di dalam cermin;

ya kamu, sis.

jadi, teruntuk aku,

mari berkenalan lagi, ternyata masih banyak yang perlu dibenahi.

berhenti kecewa ketika orang-orang bersikap di luar ekspektasi, toh siapalah kamu yang sering juga mengecewakan mimpi sendiri.

jangan lagi berusaha untuk selalu disukai demi menjaga semua orang tidak pergi, learn that people always come and leave.

belajar untuk tidak lagi menolak segala bentuk emosi yang timbul ketika berhadapan dengan situasi yang bahkan kamu tidak pegang kemudi, kuasai diri.

semoga pada akhirnya nanti kamu bisa mengerti..

kecup,

Sis.

are you home?

i was actually just passing by,

but in front of your house now i find myself standing

my feet led the way just like a habit
staring at the door that we painted red last summer and my heart misses a beat
the color started to fade, the wood began to peel
as if to say that it's been so long and i'm not supposed to be here

things rushing thru my mind,
"would you expect me when you hear the bell's ringing?"
"if you knew i was here, would you open the door and let me in?"

or "is there someone else that you are waiting?"

but i had enough for just questioning

cause if i could really ask there'll be just one thing,

"is there a chance you'd stop me from leaving?"

a thought

so, tell me,

is it an act of bravery,

or just a form of egoism?

to strive for what we believe is bliss,

but is seen as a sin by society

oh living in a world full of hypocrisy,

is there still any possibility

to seek clarity?

dear, me

remember when things were so easy?

you were around 5 when you got the wound at your temple from slipping off the bike

funny that you swore it was the most painful thing you've ever had, though only momma's kiss as magical remedy that you need after that

at 7 you found your 'best friend forever', simply because they shared their favorite snack and lent you that one rare princess book you always wanted to have

you both were inseparable until at 12 your best friend sulked after a little fight, it lasted for days and you too refused to budge

but when you found out they were about to leave you overseas, you chose to forget every piques,

made a friendship brooch just to keep them in touch, 'bff' written, as if it will happen

time passed by, at 15 you were unrestrained, your freshman year and you had no fear,

you lived your best life and felt most alive, you got no time to worry, only days to merry

and when you were 17, somebody told you they love you, somehow you believed them

nobody prevented you from falling, and you couldn't avoid a heartbreak

but that’s okay,

that's okay if it made the word ‘love’ the least thing you believe in your 20s

because you will never know what kind of aches you’ll face at 30

maybe it’s between the 3am conversation, or anything that brings you to meditation

learn to understand that growing up is a swing of wondering, and there’s no stopping

and for whatever life may bring,

i hope you hold on, darling

#stayathome made me do it

after convincing myself for these past 2 years, here i am writing in 2020.
i almost wanna do it a couple of times, i swear. but i find it sooo strange, doing blog at 22, since all i ever wrote here was about my youth days.

but just, let me try.

well, as we all know,

there's coronavirus, spreading all around the world, made us all staying at home.
i mean, we-who obey the rules- are.
it's been 3 months already i've stayed inside.
kinda depressing for the first few weeks.
but now i actually started to find myself comfortable hahaha it's kinda scary.
at least, staying at home pushed me to do my blog again, right?
there are always good things in bad times, they said.

i miss eating junk foods, i miss vacation, i miss going out.
and i miss my friends!!!!
geez, i wanna hug them so bad.
i got a long list of people i wanna squeeze after corona days, but i really am waiting for the day to reunite with my little circle that we called ourselves Duta Wacana.
we meet almost every day and it's so hard not to see them in months.
we did our quarantines together earlier before these corona things getting worse at Coco-Lawa-Fakhri's kontrakan, only for days sih, but quarantines with them felt so fun even we were just doing nothing.
speaking of which, katanya mereka udah ngga akan ngelanjutin kontrakan dan aku sedih banget. mungkin aku doang sih because that means no more nonton film malem-malem, no more "it's ceret time", tidak lagi punya basecamp. sad.

hhhh anyway,
besides coming back to the blog, staying at home for months made me learn some things.

here's the list.

1. i learned that spending too much time on the phone is actually soooo boring??
my phone's screen average time decreased from week to week, it's quite impressive.
i barely check my phone, not replying to any texts quickly, but still wonder why i haven't found my lover yet hahahaha. silly me turn from "i don't need a boyfriend" to "where can i find my soulmate??". this situation kinda change people, isn't it?
maybe because having a lot of free times got me easily overthink, it strikes again and again hahahahaha i know i cringe at myself too!!!

2. i overcame one of my biggest fears from this work-from-home situation: i had my virtual proposal test done.
even tho i failed, and i need to do a re-test. and it scares me even more.

a friend told me that i should take the previous one as a warm up but i don't find it helping at all for now. i'm so nervous. anybody please pray for me i don’t think i’m ready.

3. i found out some things deeper about myself. and i tried to make peace with the demon in me.

it's still in progress but at least there's progress, right?

ummm, what else?
oh, 4. i cooked a lot!! well, i actually am not that bad. at least that’s what my mom thinks. and 
5. i learned to play ukulele, but still, i suck at it.


i honestly have no idea what else to write,
so i think that's all for now?

phew, i can't believe i can finish this one. been so long and i really found this so hard hahaha.

but i'm glad i did.
i actually am pretty happy to do this again. hoping for more! *finger crossed*

let's pray for this pandemic to end soon. i hope everybody's safe. please just stay at home. wash your hand properly. stay clean. stay healthy. wear mask. bring and use hand sanitizer.
we can get through this!!!
my prayer goes to every medical personnel, the front guards, workers that still need to leave, small traders.
and to everybody who lost their loved ones in this pandemic.

stay safe peeps!

kecup,
Sis.

just, if

if there was ever an option, i'd choose to have more sleepovers rather than go traveling places
not because i learned how Vancouver's weather was apparently too cold for me not to long for your missing embrace
nor because i got aches running out of breath, trotting around chase after your disappearing shades

but merely because it was more fun having my fingers stroking your hair whilst catching your eyes on mine solemnly admiring
merely because 3am Southampton's warmth failed to comfort and your arms wrap me around still did twice better
or partly because of your love for clementine, it's overflowing
partly it's the fact that i blossomed as beautiful as a daisy amongst the lawn because your excessive affection dew over me
or partly because i was under your spell being so vulnerable trapped like a prey, voluntarily

but i wouldn't mind sipping another more of your sweet pledges i might die sinking sugarcoated
and if there was ever an option, i wouldn't mind

one day..

one day my head will get rid of any thoughts of you,
the espresso smell lingers on my bedsheet, which i still recognize as your signature perfume, one day will be just the smell i remember as another cup i spilled on.
our pictures, that each captured your smile with the whole universe held in it, they may still hanging on my bedroom wall. but i promise one day they'll be gone, the wall will be just as empty as my eyes run out of tears.
every memory i still romanticize, every thought about you and i are meant to hinge, are going to fade.

any pain and regrets are soon will be relieved,
and i will set myself free from all the words you left unsaid.

all the lies you've said, "i love you" was my favourite

corner room, faux leather comfy couch,
in a coffee scent, i remember your body smelled, i covered myself
darling repeat it for me, those fine nights i slightly remember
that night the words slipped out of your mouth
heavy breath, i barely heard, wiped by the wind in the autumn season
"i love you," spoken inaudibly, and how i refused to believe

remind me that night ever happened
heavy rain, holding hands. tighter, tighter
under the sky that started changed color
you handed me the umbrella, walked away, drenched in the pouring rain
body was shaking, you slowly turned, and then the words, softly
and i started to believe

tell me again one of those sleepless nights
that late late one, in a long lonely road, and lazy ride
in the middle of the street that you almost ran the red
surrounded by those workers with lack of sleep
you screamed it loud and that's when i know i've fallen

now please tell me why all i can clearly remember is that one night
behind the coffee shop's crystal glass
years after those magical nights
with the same wide shiny eyes, same sweet half-smile
bit messy hair i last remember it was always neatly combed
and how easy you said those nights were just a lie

crowds of feelings

Selalu menyukai suasana bandara dan stasiun.
Entah bandara dan stasiun apapun itu, bagus jelek, gede kecil, apapun.
Memang sih, i'm not that type of person who likes to be in a crowd.

But somehow, i love seing crowds, those airport and station kinda crowds.

Some going in groups, family, friends. And some are alone.
Yep, just like what i love to do. Pergi sendirian, meskipun di kota tujuan pasti ada yang ditemuin.
Yaaa kayak sekarang.
Sedang mengetik ini di ruang tunggu bandara, menunggu flight yang masih satu jam lagi.
Beberapa saat lalu Sisca cuma melihat, banyak yang ngga sadar, beberapa sadar dan terjadilah saling tatap layaknya di film-film, sayangnya yang sadar justru bapak-bapak dan ibu-ibu. Hehe. Gapapa.

I get to see lot of things here.
Lot of people, lot of faces, lot of feelings
Some going on vacation, some going back home, dan sadly mungkin beberapa have a flight untuk sebuah kabar duka. Mm hm, that's not the kind of flight i would love to take.
I had one before, waktu dikabarin almarhumah nenek sakit dan dirawat di jakarta. And that flight sucks. You don't get to enjoy the feeling of floating, thousand feets above the land. You don't get to feel the atmosphere. The feeling when you look out the window at sunset, or sunrise, or even when there's a rainbow.
All you could feel is like stuck in a dark dark cloud, all thunders, and pouring rain.

Bandara & stasiun punya jutaan rasa,

sayangnya, "sedih" memang jadi salah satunya.

Dan sekarang?
Mungkin flight kali ini akan sangat menyenangkan, ke Jakarta, ketemu saudara2, tempat dimana aku bisa jadi 'aku'.
Tapi alasan aku pergi mungkin sangat tidak menyenangkan.
Itulah hebatnya bandara, atau stasiun.
Aku suka.

aye!

uhm.. hay..
yaampun, i do even forget how to begin a blog post.
well, um, it's me again. yep.
all the way from 2011 and now i'm here, writing in 2018.

yaa, tau kok,
kenapa tiba-tiba?

jadi, ceritanya,
beberapa hari lalu, old friend of mine sent me a screenshot from my blog post about my 9th-graders.
ngakak? tentu, but that's when i realized that, ternyata salah satu cara mereka bernostalgia juga ga beda sama aku.
yes, some of them still do read.
seneng? ya seneng lah, ternyata masih ada yang baca juga blog alay menye nggilani ini.
i was about to delete this blog, to be honest.
so thank you, old friend. for reminding me how important this blog was, and is.

dan ternyata aku kangen jugaaaa rasanya ngeblog. like, real blogging seperti post yang dulu-dulu.
nulis hal super random, tentang kejadian-kejadian apa aja yang aku laluin.
ngga cuma dateng, mampir, copy pasting (not so) poems yang udah ditulis di notes hp, terus udah.
karena ini blog emang seharusnya menjadi tempat menulis yang lebih pure.
untuk post-post yang lebih appropriate, aku sudah punya tumblr yang meskipun private tapi yaudah lebih baik blog ini tetap menjadi yang seharusnya saja.
tapi aneh ya yang appropriate malah private, yang inappropriate malah public.
hehe namanya juga sisca.

aku tuh kangen menulis yang ngga perlu mikirin apakah the phrases and the diction good enough.
atau, duh, orang-orang bakal suka ngga ya?
atau, aku harus pakai bahasa yang keren, poetic. anjay.
i miss writing things yang ga perlu semua orang bisa relate to.
yang suka di check in Alvin setiap 6 jam sekali (and yes, katanya dia lebih suka baca blogku yang isinya random ga jelas, daily things, stupid things, yg bahasanya ancyur).
lagipula, setelah scrolled down my post drafts, i realize how important it is to write things yang, again, bener-bener pure how i feel.
karena beberapa tahun ke depan, aku akan sangat senang kalau bisa mengembalikan memori dengan membaca apa aja yang udah aku laluin dan gimana perasaan aku di masa itu.

i love to collect moments, and i feel like photographs are just not enough.

but anyway, some (a lot actually) blog posts aku draft karena kelewat alay.
sumpah gaes wuelek bahasaku:)))
like, did i really write those craps? what was i thinking?
padahal topiknya sangat nostalgic tapi yasudahlahya benar-benar tidak appropriate.
setidaknya masih bisa aku nikmati sendiri dalam bentuk draft lah.
but, posts that related to my mutiara bunda friends, aku putuskan untuk tidak lagi aku draft.
sebelumnya aku draft, tapi rasanya post-post itu sudah jadi milik mereka juga.
meskipun dengan bahasa dan inggrisan yang super seadanya terutama grammar yang sangat ancyur dan gatau kenapa aku pede banget nulisnya wkwk tapi gaakan aku edit deh, biarkanlah menjadi bukti progressku.

untuk kedepannya, no, i won't write stuffs like "ditinggalin sahabat demi pacar" or "galau gara-gara temen genk berantem" no more.
hahaha nope, you'll never see that kind of post again.
sebisa mungkin Sisca kembali menulis daily things yang ngga kelewat alay seperti dulu.

mungkin aku akan lebih banyak menulis tentang kehidupan perkuliahanku,
atau mungkin post-post disini masih akan tentang nostalgia, karena di blog ini terlalu banyak memori masa SMP ku.
ah, kita lihat saja nanti ke depan.
doakan saja Sisca bisa komitmen kembali ke blogspot, karena for God sake tugas kuliah semester 3 kemarin almost killed me.

udahan kali ya, Sisca menulis ini nyambi bikinin subtitle buat film sebelah.
so, later?

kecup,
siscawn.

ditulis oleh Narendrasasi (old post)

hmm... sisca udah cerita banyak ya tentang temen2nya?? sekarang aku bakalan nyeritain tetang dirinya HUAHAHAHA #evillaugh
kalian tau, apa KEBIASAAN BURUKNYA di sekolaah?????
dia itu sukanya mbanyol di sekolah!! -__-"

po'e band \m/

dia suka meragain mukanya jadi kayak babi ato apapun yang bikin anak2 ketawa ngakak
tapi, aku lebih sering ketawa ngakak kalo liat dia ketawa ngakak duluan...
yang bikin kita semua geregetan itu LOLA alias loadingnya lama -_-"
hmm... dia itu anak yang paling rame di antara po'e band -__-
aku kadang seneng banget, bersyukur banget punya temen kayak dia
tapi kadang-kadang aku ngomong gini "ya Tuhaan, kenapa aku harus punya temen kayak diaa?" sangking geregetannya sama kelakuan-kelakuannya -__________-

pada surga berbeda, semu kita sama, bahagia.

dan kemudian, tiba dimana kita menyerah pada pertemuan
tatap jadi usaha rangkai aksara
meski tetap sulit tuturkan bahasa
lalu bungkam kembali menjadi cara, tak tau harus apa

katanya, semua tak melulu tentang logika
atau kepercayaan yang selalu kita puja
tapi kali ini aku menyerah, tak ingin lagi memaksa
bicara perihal hati, apa pantas jadi alasan?

sama-sama pergi ingin menjaga surga

surga siapa? surga saya, surga dia
lihat, bahkan untuk mati saja berbeda

namun setidaknya saat ini kami menyerah atas hal sama

sebuah semu bernama bahagia

in a long lonely road

it was a long lonely road
you were driving as i stared blankly ahead
we wrapped by a cold awkward silence
which nobody had a gut to break it

i could feel my heart pounding, and the warmth of blood streamed down my vein
the only sound buzzing was two people murmured on the radio
and all your thoughts that still echoed in my head

you just told me about the pain that had you suffocated
all the broken promises
efforts you've made
love you've given

you told me all you got in return was nothing but a waste of times
barely know what i felt deep down
.......disappointment

and you decided to left
in the name of my happiness
ours, you said
leaving me with the picture of your back as you were leaving

so one day, if we ever crossed path again
maybe i'll tell you that's how you gave me my blue days
when you tell me how you finally find the joy you never had in our story

lengkara

ia gadis yang dicumbu rindu

menyelimuti raga yang seakan beku

rindu yang tak tahu untuk siapa

yang dirindu hanya kata

sekedar prosa belaka

karena jiwa yang dirindu tlah tiada

kini gadis itu mencumbu kenangan

karena tau memori itu memang tak mungkin ada

disini, bersamanya untuk mereka

keping terakhir

kupandang keluar jendela
langit gelap sore ini
mendung...aku resah

masih terlihat mengintip sedikit sinar matahari di sela pepohonan
meskipun petir telah menyuruhnya lenyap
namun ia tetap tak mau lelap

kupejamkan mata
membiarkan sisa sinar matahari itu menghangatkan aku
semakin lama ia kian menghilang
mungkin ia takut
atau mungkin tak ingin ribut

kudengar rintik hujan perlahan turun
dan lagu itu tiba-tiba mengalun
lagu sendu
bawa masa lalu
sentuh kalbu

hujan jadi deras
air mata juga terkuras
habis
melankolis

aku melihatmu di sela hujan itu
aku mengingatmu di dalam alun lagu ini
aku menemukanmu dimanapun
kamu belum pergi

ah

bukan

aku belum biarkanmu pergi

maaf

pergilah jika mau
pergilah kalau ingin
aku tak lagi memaksa

tapi jangan bawa memori itu
biarkan aku megingatnya
setidaknya aku mengingat hal indah

hangat

tinggalkan untukku
tolong

karena aku suka
aku suka mengingat aku pernah bahagia


denganmu
di dalam bahagiamu




Senin, 10 November 2014, 2:57pm
bersama hujan, tetes infus, aroma rumah sakit
Sisca Nusi Wiandri

for sisca

"terlahirmu di 2 Agustus 1998

melekatkan bapak dan mamamu

membuat kami semakin menyadari

memutuskan meniti hidup lebih hangat

terlahirmu memupuk semangat

hari demi hari pertumbuhanmu

makin hangat makin ceria

dengan tangisan, terlebih tawamu

Sisca Nusi Wiandri

terlahirmu adalah berkah dari surga

hingga waktu menjaga kita

dalam rengkulan kasih cinta

terlahirmu adalah karunia

yang indah terencana

anakku sayang, buah hati kami

tetap lekatkanlah belahan jiwa kami

dengan cintamu yang terbekati"

Singapore, 2 Sept 2004

Made by my one and only hero, my super daddy

Nusi Dwi Christanto

love you, dad. i really do xx

2013's of mine, how's yours?

since it's still january which is the beginning of 2014, i think it wasn't too late (yet) to reviewing what i've been through and what's on earth happen in my 2013
oh, and no, i'm not going to make some new year resolutions cause i know it's gonna looks quite a lot like my last year resolutions so....yeah ha-ha

and this is what happen to my 2013:

1. in the beginning of 2013, i (and my 9th-graders friend all around the world) had a lot of exam trials (or just usually called 'try out') to prepared our National Exam which really drives us crazy. we also had a fully tears 'farewell and near National Exam apologizing time' day (it's a weird name, i know, i'm sorry, i made it myself few seconds ago)
2. around April, we had (we've done it now) our junior high National Exam and it was good....maybe.....perhaps....i think, yeah even it was rainy in our last exam but it was literally fun
3. after National Exam, we really really had a good quality time as a 9th grade student, we had our last party class with lots of pizzas (that moment was so fun) and a preparation for our graduation which is literally emotional and....i don't know, those moment just felt unreal. we really had a lot of fun with each other, our lovely teachers, our juniors, and just amazing...it was indescribable
4. we were also busy to manage our senior high preparation and tests.. and. so. do. i. and. salim. and also. aji. we were actually supposed to school in Muhammadiyah Senior High School (SMAMDA) together. but caused by an accident (look at number 8), i have to moved out. but those time was so fun and memorable cause we three had a lot of new amazing experiences. it was also nerve-racking to wait for the result tests
5. on May, WE WENT TO BALI FOR FAREWELL TOUR AND IT WAS SO SO GREAT and it was a good time with those bitches and bros, i was so happy even i (and salim) can't went with school (so we went there by plane and it was such a new fun experience, but i have to missed Ma'am Ifa's birthday party), that's not a big deal...the last day there, I GOT MY SMAMDA'S RESULT THAT SAID THAT I ACCEPTED ON BAHASA CLASS WITH SALIM AND AJI ON SOCIAL CLASS. we. made. it.
6. June, our National Exam's result coming out. mine....wasn't good enough, and i think it was disappointing ha-ha but i won't mind it, i've done my best and mostly because i did it myself
7. 14th of July......*drum noises* graduation day!! woohooooo it was exciting, emotional, lots of fun, tears of pain, tears of joy, laugh, smile on each other's faces, drama and farewell.....we find it hard to believe that we were finally there, we've through everything together in these amazing 3years and now it's time.....to end it all, to say goodbye, and to let it go..it is literally over
8. there's an accident with my grandparents that made me have to move from SMAMDA and find another school......to summary, i finally here, in one of Vocational High School in town where i know no one and..............lots of differences from my middle school and elementary school. it was the hardest time in 2013 or even in my whole life.. so i won't talk about it anymore
9. *lot of things changed here* *yes i'm talking bout love* *i'm starting find it cheesy* *cut myself off* *lol* *no* *skip*
10. augustus 27, this is also the hardest time in 2013...i, we, lost our strong, inspirational, great, amazing, beautiful Grandma in the world. it's so hard to write about it. i miss her much.
11. i had to say goodbye to my old memorable phone
12. i took a car driving course
13. i finally can drive a car
14. i went to Jogja and met my childhood talented friend, Adel, since it has been a long long time.. 
15. i started loving Zoella, Joe Sugg, Alfie Deyes, Marcus Butler, Caspar Lee and friends, and i started watching them almost everyday like i can't stop they're amazing
16. Tiffany Alvord followed me on twitter, Fabian Manzano from Boyce Avenue replied my tweet, and Matthew Grieh from Antics Dance Crew (semi finalist of Got to Dance) favorited my tweet
17. *struggling with school stuffs and friends and life that's getting rough*
18. i learn about something new, new life and new things with my senior high friends which is really open my eyes, i'm so lucky
19. 4th of december...........drum please.......*dumdumdum*.........I WENT TO BOYCE AVENUE'S CONCERT IN BALI WHICH IS MASSIVE like it was a dream and oh my God i just can't believe it.. i went there with my own money, met some new friends, got to meet them in person and it felt so amazing and oh geez, i'm a happy girl

so, that's it, my 2013, i'm sorry if it seems boring to you but i'm so grateful about my 2013 and i think it was my most massively amazing and wonderful year like ever

how's yours?;)

can you imagine that love?

we miss you a lot, granny

teman sejak bayi. what a talented boy.

geez

happy day!

she followed me xx

what a massively massive!

ps. ditulis dengan bahasa inggris yang seada-adanya di tahun 2014. tidak sedikitpun diperbaiki. semoga dapat dimaklumi.

journey towards dream

....................HAPPY DECEMBER EVERYONE

such a good beginning of December (not only good, it was massive!), I MET BOYCE AVENUE BABY

they're supremely ah-may-zing guys til you could never imagine lol ini alay tapi sungguh

so, for those who doesn't know Boyce Avenue yet, i'll tell you a bit before i'm starting my story;)

Boyce Avenue is a band formed in Sarasota, Florida that have Daniel Manzano, Fabian Manzano, and Alejandro Manzano as the personnel and they are siblings!! Daniel is the first brother, Fabian is the second one, and Alejandro is the last one:D Daniel and Fabian are married

they started playing music on 2007 and share it on youtube

and on Wednesday, December 4th, 2013 i met them in person babyyyyy i had a meet&greet with em

omg best thing ever in life so far:'D

and here's the story begin

it just started on July 2013

sejujurnya saya sudah mengumpulkan duit selama puluhan taun dan abad (ok mulai alay)...ngga ding, sejak bulan Juli, berjuang ngumpulin duit jajan dan jualan ini-itu, hingga saya akhirnya sampai pada titik duit yang cukup buat beli tiket pesawat, tiket m&g dan sebenarnya cukup buat hotel juga but ternyata gapake hotel so akhirnya saya putuskan buat beli gift buat mereka (sudah diperhitungkan sejak awal, tbh, krn gamau bebanin ortu samasekali)

kenapa bisa sudah siap2 begitu lama? because they're posting this >> Boyce Avenue - Tour Announcement & Live Performance Part 1!!! << hosted by Zalfie<3

they said that they're coming to Indonesia so i'm trying so hard to get money to come!!

hingga akhirnya.........suatu hari ketika di sekolah, they were posting this on twitter

and i was like screaming on my class and trying to get an internet connection to open the link to know when they're gonna come to Indonesia......setelah dapet modem dan buka link nya.......jengjeng the result is

AND MY FINAL EXAM IS GONNA BE HELD ON DECEMBER 2ND HOWLEY SHITTTTTT

i'm crying a little in class and continued it so hard in my room after school

oh my gawd..........so hurt ya know?

nangis mulu sampe bengkak abis ini mata yah:'D

i'm crying my self to sleep for 2days til finally.........

2days later after i saw that announcement, i randomly ask my teacher when is actually my final exam will be held.......and she said that

OUR FINAL EXAM WILL BE HELD ON DECEMBER 13TH

ASDFGHJKL

i'm so happy til i lose my word:'D they actually change the final exam date because they aren't ready yet huhuy<3

skip

a week before the concert, i already got my e-ticket only for the concert and i'm searching for the ticket for m&g

i ask everywhere

to HardRock Cafe crews, thedailyconcert, and rajakarcis and none of them know about the m&g

i'm desperately confused cause i really want to meet them...so bad

and a several days later, i saw the m&g option to their concert on their official website

i click it and.........i couldn't find Indonesia as the country option:(:(:(

kratak<//3

desperately, aku searching di twitter keyword "vip m&g bali boyce avenue" and i found kak Ocha!

awalnya aku gakenal kak Ocha tp aku SKSD aja gapapa deh yg penting bisa m&g:')

dan blabla aku di ajarin kak Ocha buat m&g til finally<3333

the m&g e-ticket!

uhuy yeah my m&g e-ticket babyyyyy

nunggunya udh deh-degan banget karena baru dapet e-ticket m&g nya 1hari sebelum ke bali dan 2hari sebelum acara:'D

hingga di hari H.......

i'm so excited!

woke up lately actually-_-v but still so excited

karena dapet e-mail dr boyce avenue m&g crew buat dateng jam 6.30WITA so aku udah sampe di sana jam 6WITA, ketemu sama kak Ocha, mau tuker tiket buat m&g and they said......

THERE'S NO M&G OH MY

SHOCK ABESHHHHH

akhirnya blabla di urusin sama mas-mas nya dan kita gabung sama m&g-ers lainnya (total 6 m&g-ers)

m&g-ers lainnya pun juga shock karena kita gaada yg dari Bali:')

aku dari Sidoarjo, 3 kakak lainnya (1cowo, 2cewe) dari Surabaya, kak Ocha dari Jakarta dan kak Edo dari Solo

kita akrab dari situ and i'm so happy spending time with em karena disitu aku jd berasa punya kakak gitu aw aw (derita anak sulung)

nungguin ngelempo 2jam di depan HardRock Cafe Kuta dengan tampang yg udah lusuh dan mulai banyak tamu VIP HardRock berdatangan.. ketawa2 gara2 John, si 'sebut saja Fritz' (mas-mas yg ngurusin m&g kita), ngomongin Alejandro yang kata si 'sebut saja Fritz' lagi masuk angin gara2 main golf di Uluwatu dan blabla:'3

ohya, kita ketemu John (official audio engineering Boyce Avenue) pas nunggu dan kita having a little nice chat gitu sama dia:'D

kia juga liat si Daniel dari jauh di depan HardRock tapi keburu di suruh masuk duluan sama HardRock crew sebelum aku sempet minta foto:')

hingga akhirnya, setelah nunggu for a longlong time, kita di samperin sama si 'sebut saja Fritz' yg membawa 2 mas botak lainnya dan bilang kalo jam 9 nanti kita bakal di jemput di depan HadRock Cafe buat m&g nya!!

finally baby di kasih kepastian<3

kitapun makan dulu di Pizza Hut....menghabiskan waktu kurang-lebih 1jam dan melewatkan si Alejandro smashing guitar juga:( but not a big deal cause it such as a great time with em, they such as a cool bros and sists:'3

selesai makan, jam 9kurang kita udah standby di depan HardRock Cafe dan jeng

sekitar 9.15, Scott Lawson (Boyce Avenue's cool manager) teriak2 di depan HardRock Cafe nyariin para m&g-ers UYEAAAH

kitapun nyamperin Scott dan di kumpulin sama Scott di pojokan gitu (ngga pojokan juga sih, tapi ya gitu deh, taudeh-_-v)

kita conversation blabla dulu sama Scott, yang si Scott nya juga feeling sorry ke kita karena kita harusnya dapet VIP Lanyard+Poster tapi kita gadapet dan di suruh minta sendiri ke CrowdSurge (m&g ticket seller nya):')

about 15minutes, kita di ajak ke suatu tent artist buat m&g:'D

dan aku deg-degan gewlak ampun deh nervous abesh

disitu nungguin lagi, kedengeran dari luar tent si Alejandro buang ingus LOL terus juga liat ada Fabian masuk ke tent artist nya:'D

DAN AKHIRNYA SETELAH NUNGGU 3JAM, ALHAMDULILLAH

MEREKA KELUAR DARI TENT DAN AMPUN TUHAN BADANNYA RAKSASA BANGET TERNYATA OHMEGEEEEE

sumprit anjir Ale-Daniel yang biasanya di foto2 keliatan pendek gitu ya ternyata GEDE BANGET!!!! pas liat si Daniel tadi di depan HardRock juga mana gakeliatan jelas pula ternyata badannya gede:')

FABIAN APALAGI DUH AMPUN

THEY ARE SO HAWWWWTTTTTTTT

akupun dapet giliran pertama foto sama mereka, kaki gemeteran, badan pucet, mau pingsan, barang bawaan jatoh semua aduh malu abis but i don't really care sama barang2 yg jatuh aku biarin aja padahal kayanya kartu pelajar juga jatuh:'D

aku langsung berdiri di antara Ale-Fabian.....sebenernya aku mau langsung foto butttt si Fabian merentangkan tangannya buat meluk gitu AW akhirnya meluk Fabian dulu dia ramah bgt bilang 'Hellooo':'D terus pas di peluk Ale dia bilang 'Hey, how are you' dan dengan nervous aku jawab'...i..i'm good:'D' and last di peluk Daniel aku lupa dia bilang apa tapi asli dia paling sweet dan buaik:'D

setelah foto cekrik di fotoin sama Scott, mereka tanda tanganin t-shirt ku di punggung ku:'D itu si Daniel yg bilang 'can we use your back (buat mejanya gitu)' dan aku langsung bilang '...o..of course' huaha muka absurd abis pasti itu:'3

abis tanda tangan mereka bertiga, aku kasih giftku (isinya kemeja batik+surat) dan si Daniel yg nerima:'D Ale-Fabian-Daniel bilang 'thank youuu' blabla dan sebelum aku meninggalkan mereka *ea* si Daniel nanya lagi gitu 'this is for us?' aku blg 'yes:D' dia bilang lagi 'aww, thank youuu'

oh my Daniel asli baik bangetnget njir:'D

aku ngga banyak omong sama mereka huhu so sad abisnya kelewat nervous yaudah aku langsung ngacir aja sekarang baru nyesel knp ga ngobrol banyak:')

setelah acara m&g............kitapun masuk lewat ruang staff dan dapet seat di row paling depan dan aku dapet seat di bawah Alejandro pas!! paling depan, paling tengah huhu dream seat deh:'D

kitapun menikmati konsernya ceileh yang kurang-lebih mereka bawain 16 lagu dan sekitar 2 jam (mulai konser Boyce nya jam set 11 WITA, kelar set 1 WITA)

AND THEIR CONCERT WAS SUPER MASSIVE!!

selesai konser, nemenin kak Ocha sama kak Edo dulu beli minum sama ngeroko dulu di circle K, dan kita kehilangan jejak 3 kakak lainnya yg dari Surabaya itu sumpah sedih banget, 3 kakak dari Surabaya yang nonton konser Boyce Avenue di Bali plus ikut M&G nya kalo baca ini plis kabarin aku ya kak, ig/twitter/ask.fm/line: siscawn atau skype: sisshawty atau pin: 276f2e52, hehe-_-v

habis itu foto dulu dan kita berpisah:'D

such a best night oh my, terimakasih ya Allah sudah kasih kesempatan ini:'D makasih bapak-mama, Hard Rock Cafe Kuta Bali crew, John, Scott Lawson, Daniel Manzano, Fabian Manzano, Alejandro Manzano, dan kakak-kakak yang baik-baik semua the m&g fighters, terimakasih semuanya I LOVE YOU GUYS A LOT

SEE YOU GUYS NEXT TIME<3

their autograph on my t-shirt.

Daniel Manzano. such a super duper mega kind guy.

Fabian Manzano. i can't stop starring at him during the concert.

Alejandro Manzano. so so nice and friendly.

Daniel Manzano, Alejandro Manzano, Me, Fabian Manzano

ps. maaf post ini alay. abaikan saja makasih.

ps. ditulis dengan bahasa inggris yang seada-adanya di tahun 2013. tidak sedikitpun diperbaiki. semoga dapat dimaklumi.

one more angel went home

i don't how to explain this
i just lose my word

but i just want you to know that you mean a lot to us
we do love you a lot
it is huge

for all the things you've done to makes us the best person in life

thank you

for making us the good one

thank you

for giving us a chance

thank you

for believe in us

thank you

for your beautiful smile

thank you

for your big heart

thank you

you know what, ma'am? you're amazing

and a 'thank you' is actually doesn't enough

but now there's nothing left to say but good bye

cause you just went Home

yes. you just did

but ma'am, how to stop my tears?

can you still be here to teach me how for the last time? can you?

Innalillahi Wa Inna Ilaihi Roji'uun

Alm. Bu Wiwid. best class-teacher i've ever known.

ps. ditulis dengan bahasa inggris yang seada-adanya di tahun 2013. tidak sedikitpun diperbaiki. semoga dapat dimaklumi.

Selamat Jalan, Mbah Putri

Diary?

"8/8/'13
happy ied al-fitri
hari ini mbah uti tiba-tiba minta foto habis kita semua shalat ied
well, lil bit shocking ke-inget jaman mbah kakung dulu...
but ya kita ngga mikir macem-macem, just really happy she ask(:

26/8/'13
hari ini mama mau ke jakarta nengokin mbah, but idk why rasanya pengen banget ikut, tp as always ngga boleh
malemnya pas udh otw stasiun, mama lupa bawa ktp padahal udh 1jam sebelum keretanya berangkat, akhirnya balik lagi ke rumah
alhamdulillah masih sempet mama sampe di stasiun tepat pas penumpang di suruh segera naik ke kereta
pulangnya dari anter mama, aku ada pr matematika tp berasa that was really doesn't matter padahal pr nya banyak banget *skip

27/8/'13
pagi ini..... rasanya males banget sekolah, kepikiran mama di jkt mulu, pr matematika jg belum di kerjain
but begitu di sekolah, rasanya tenang banget duduk di bangku, buku matematika masih rapi di dalem tas padahal temen2 yg lain udh pada sibuk ngerjain, entahlah
jam 9.30, pelajaran pkn (pelajaran sebelum matematika) presentasi
sambil nunggu presentasi, aku duduk di bangku paling belakang, ngebuka laptop sok ngerjain padahal buka hp
iseng liat recent updates bbm, budhe pipin nulis "innalillahi wa inna ilaihi rooji'uun" dan lgsg 'deg' lalu aku bbm budhe "siapa meninggal budhe?"
jawaban budhe.... "mbah uthi, chika".....astaghfirullah, istighfar-istighfar but still aku ngga percaya, then aku mastiin bbm mama nanyain mbah, aku nunggu balesan mama sampe mama jawab..... "mbah udh ngga ada, kak.. tadi jam 8:35.. maafin salah mbah ya, doain terus" and then 'tes', yallah innalillahi....
saat itu juga aku di jemput bapak pulang (tepat sebelum pel. matematika), nangis deres di mobil dan langsung otw purbalingga
bener2 yallah sepanjang perjalanan aku masih juga ngga percaya sampe akhirnya waktu udh di pbg i finally realised........ mbah memang sudah ngga ada"

innalillahi wa inna ilaihi rooji'uun

telah berpulang ke rahmatullah, nenek/ibu kami tercinta hari selasa lalu (27/8) pukul 8:35 di Rumah Sakit M. Thamrin, Jakarta

astaghfirullah, cepat sekali mbah pulang
cepat sekali mbah kembali
mbah, aku belum sempet rawat mbah yg bener, belum sempet jagain mbah lebih lama, belum sempet lihat mbah buat terakhir kalinya, belum bisa hijab sebelum mbah meninggal..
mbah maafin chika ya mbah, chika banyak banget salah sama mbah
aku suka nakal, suka shalat nunda-nunda, suka lelet kalo di suruh mbah
tapi aku sayang sama mbah, kita semua sayang sama mbah, aku masih betah di omelin mbah, masih pengen di nasihatin mbah, masih mau nyiumin mbah
maaf ya mbah, chika tau mbah ngga suka tapi chika masih suka nangis kalo inget sama mbah, inget nasihat2 nya mbah buat kita, nangis setiap habis shalat, nangis di pemakaman, nangis waktu nulis post ini

tapi mbah tenang aja ya mbah, kita sudah ikhlas kok mbah
mbah sudah tenang di sana kan? sudah nemenin mbah kakung di sana, kita semua lega
kita bakal doa dan selalu doa, nuntun mbah sampai di pangkuan-Nya
kami semua mencintaimu, mbah putri

Ya Allah Ya Rabb, berilah tempat yang mulia untuk nenek/ibu serta kakek/ayah (yg juga pergi 7tahun yg lalu) kami tercinta, di sisi-Mu

jadikanlah mereka berdua bagian dari orang-orang yang engkau cintai

terimalah amal dan ibadah mereka di dunia
serta jauhkan mereka dari api neraka

amin