#stayathome made me do it

after convincing myself for these past 2 years, here i am writing in 2020.
i almost wanna do it a couple of times, i swear. but i find it sooo strange, doing blog at 22, since all i ever wrote here was about my youth days.

but just, let me try.

well, as we all know,

there's coronavirus, spreading all around the world, made us all staying at home.
i mean, we-who obey the rules- are.
it's been 3 months already i've stayed inside.
kinda depressing for the first few weeks.
but now i actually started to find myself comfortable hahaha it's kinda scary.
at least, staying at home pushed me to do my blog again, right?
there are always good things in bad times, they said.

i miss eating junk foods, i miss vacation, i miss going out.
and i miss my friends!!!!
geez, i wanna hug them so bad.
i got a long list of people i wanna squeeze after corona days, but i really am waiting for the day to reunite with my little circle that we called ourselves Duta Wacana.
we meet almost every day and it's so hard not to see them in months.
we did our quarantines together earlier before these corona things getting worse at Coco-Lawa-Fakhri's kontrakan, only for days sih, but quarantines with them felt so fun even we were just doing nothing.
speaking of which, katanya mereka udah ngga akan ngelanjutin kontrakan dan aku sedih banget. mungkin aku doang sih because that means no more nonton film malem-malem, no more "it's ceret time", tidak lagi punya basecamp. sad.

hhhh anyway,
besides coming back to the blog, staying at home for months made me learn some things.

here's the list.

1. i learned that spending too much time on the phone is actually soooo boring??
my phone's screen average time decreased from week to week, it's quite impressive.
i barely check my phone, not replying to any texts quickly, but still wonder why i haven't found my lover yet hahahaha. silly me turn from "i don't need a boyfriend" to "where can i find my soulmate??". this situation kinda change people, isn't it?
maybe because having a lot of free times got me easily overthink, it strikes again and again hahahahaha i know i cringe at myself too!!!

2. i overcame one of my biggest fears from this work-from-home situation: i had my virtual proposal test done.
even tho i failed, and i need to do a re-test. and it scares me even more.

a friend told me that i should take the previous one as a warm up but i don't find it helping at all for now. i'm so nervous. anybody please pray for me i don’t think i’m ready.

3. i found out some things deeper about myself. and i tried to make peace with the demon in me.

it's still in progress but at least there's progress, right?

ummm, what else?
oh, 4. i cooked a lot!! well, i actually am not that bad. at least that’s what my mom thinks. and 
5. i learned to play ukulele, but still, i suck at it.


i honestly have no idea what else to write,
so i think that's all for now?

phew, i can't believe i can finish this one. been so long and i really found this so hard hahaha.

but i'm glad i did.
i actually am pretty happy to do this again. hoping for more! *finger crossed*

let's pray for this pandemic to end soon. i hope everybody's safe. please just stay at home. wash your hand properly. stay clean. stay healthy. wear mask. bring and use hand sanitizer.
we can get through this!!!
my prayer goes to every medical personnel, the front guards, workers that still need to leave, small traders.
and to everybody who lost their loved ones in this pandemic.

stay safe peeps!

kecup,
Sis.

just, if

if there was ever an option, i'd choose to have more sleepovers rather than go traveling places
not because i learned how Vancouver's weather was apparently too cold for me not to long for your missing embrace
nor because i got aches running out of breath, trotting around chase after your disappearing shades

but merely because it was more fun having my fingers stroking your hair whilst catching your eyes on mine solemnly admiring
merely because 3am Southampton's warmth failed to comfort and your arms wrap me around still did twice better
or partly because of your love for clementine, it's overflowing
partly it's the fact that i blossomed as beautiful as a daisy amongst the lawn because your excessive affection dew over me
or partly because i was under your spell being so vulnerable trapped like a prey, voluntarily

but i wouldn't mind sipping another more of your sweet pledges i might die sinking sugarcoated
and if there was ever an option, i wouldn't mind

one day..

one day my head will get rid of any thoughts of you,
the espresso smell lingers on my bedsheet, which i still recognize as your signature perfume, one day will be just the smell i remember as another cup i spilled on.
our pictures, that each captured your smile with the whole universe held in it, they may still hanging on my bedroom wall. but i promise one day they'll be gone, the wall will be just as empty as my eyes run out of tears.
every memory i still romanticize, every thought about you and i are meant to hinge, are going to fade.

any pain and regrets are soon will be relieved,
and i will set myself free from all the words you left unsaid.

all the lies you've said, "i love you" was my favourite

corner room, faux leather comfy couch,
in a coffee scent, i remember your body smelled, i covered myself
darling repeat it for me, those fine nights i slightly remember
that night the words slipped out of your mouth
heavy breath, i barely heard, wiped by the wind in the autumn season
"i love you," spoken inaudibly, and how i refused to believe

remind me that night ever happened
heavy rain, holding hands. tighter, tighter
under the sky that started changed color
you handed me the umbrella, walked away, drenched in the pouring rain
body was shaking, you slowly turned, and then the words, softly
and i started to believe

tell me again one of those sleepless nights
that late late one, in a long lonely road, and lazy ride
in the middle of the street that you almost ran the red
surrounded by those workers with lack of sleep
you screamed it loud and that's when i know i've fallen

now please tell me why all i can clearly remember is that one night
behind the coffee shop's crystal glass
years after those magical nights
with the same wide shiny eyes, same sweet half-smile
bit messy hair i last remember it was always neatly combed
and how easy you said those nights were just a lie

crowds of feelings

Selalu menyukai suasana bandara dan stasiun.
Entah bandara dan stasiun apapun itu, bagus jelek, gede kecil, apapun.
Memang sih, i'm not that type of person who likes to be in a crowd.

But somehow, i love seing crowds, those airport and station kinda crowds.

Some going in groups, family, friends. And some are alone.
Yep, just like what i love to do. Pergi sendirian, meskipun di kota tujuan pasti ada yang ditemuin.
Yaaa kayak sekarang.
Sedang mengetik ini di ruang tunggu bandara, menunggu flight yang masih satu jam lagi.
Beberapa saat lalu Sisca cuma melihat, banyak yang ngga sadar, beberapa sadar dan terjadilah saling tatap layaknya di film-film, sayangnya yang sadar justru bapak-bapak dan ibu-ibu. Hehe. Gapapa.

I get to see lot of things here.
Lot of people, lot of faces, lot of feelings
Some going on vacation, some going back home, dan sadly mungkin beberapa have a flight untuk sebuah kabar duka. Mm hm, that's not the kind of flight i would love to take.
I had one before, waktu dikabarin almarhumah nenek sakit dan dirawat di jakarta. And that flight sucks. You don't get to enjoy the feeling of floating, thousand feets above the land. You don't get to feel the atmosphere. The feeling when you look out the window at sunset, or sunrise, or even when there's a rainbow.
All you could feel is like stuck in a dark dark cloud, all thunders, and pouring rain.

Bandara & stasiun punya jutaan rasa,

sayangnya, "sedih" memang jadi salah satunya.

Dan sekarang?
Mungkin flight kali ini akan sangat menyenangkan, ke Jakarta, ketemu saudara2, tempat dimana aku bisa jadi 'aku'.
Tapi alasan aku pergi mungkin sangat tidak menyenangkan.
Itulah hebatnya bandara, atau stasiun.
Aku suka.

aye!

uhm.. hay..
yaampun, i do even forget how to begin a blog post.
well, um, it's me again. yep.
all the way from 2011 and now i'm here, writing in 2018.

yaa, tau kok,
kenapa tiba-tiba?

jadi, ceritanya,
beberapa hari lalu, old friend of mine sent me a screenshot from my blog post about my 9th-graders.
ngakak? tentu, but that's when i realized that, ternyata salah satu cara mereka bernostalgia juga ga beda sama aku.
yes, some of them still do read.
seneng? ya seneng lah, ternyata masih ada yang baca juga blog alay menye nggilani ini.
i was about to delete this blog, to be honest.
so thank you, old friend. for reminding me how important this blog was, and is.

dan ternyata aku kangen jugaaaa rasanya ngeblog. like, real blogging seperti post yang dulu-dulu.
nulis hal super random, tentang kejadian-kejadian apa aja yang aku laluin.
ngga cuma dateng, mampir, copy pasting (not so) poems yang udah ditulis di notes hp, terus udah.
karena ini blog emang seharusnya menjadi tempat menulis yang lebih pure.
untuk post-post yang lebih appropriate, aku sudah punya tumblr yang meskipun private tapi yaudah lebih baik blog ini tetap menjadi yang seharusnya saja.
tapi aneh ya yang appropriate malah private, yang inappropriate malah public.
hehe namanya juga sisca.

aku tuh kangen menulis yang ngga perlu mikirin apakah the phrases and the diction good enough.
atau, duh, orang-orang bakal suka ngga ya?
atau, aku harus pakai bahasa yang keren, poetic. anjay.
i miss writing things yang ga perlu semua orang bisa relate to.
yang suka di check in Alvin setiap 6 jam sekali (and yes, katanya dia lebih suka baca blogku yang isinya random ga jelas, daily things, stupid things, yg bahasanya ancyur).
lagipula, setelah scrolled down my post drafts, i realize how important it is to write things yang, again, bener-bener pure how i feel.
karena beberapa tahun ke depan, aku akan sangat senang kalau bisa mengembalikan memori dengan membaca apa aja yang udah aku laluin dan gimana perasaan aku di masa itu.

i love to collect moments, and i feel like photographs are just not enough.

but anyway, some (a lot actually) blog posts aku draft karena kelewat alay.
sumpah gaes wuelek bahasaku:)))
like, did i really write those craps? what was i thinking?
padahal topiknya sangat nostalgic tapi yasudahlahya benar-benar tidak appropriate.
setidaknya masih bisa aku nikmati sendiri dalam bentuk draft lah.
but, posts that related to my mutiara bunda friends, aku putuskan untuk tidak lagi aku draft.
sebelumnya aku draft, tapi rasanya post-post itu sudah jadi milik mereka juga.
meskipun dengan bahasa dan inggrisan yang super seadanya terutama grammar yang sangat ancyur dan gatau kenapa aku pede banget nulisnya wkwk tapi gaakan aku edit deh, biarkanlah menjadi bukti progressku.

untuk kedepannya, no, i won't write stuffs like "ditinggalin sahabat demi pacar" or "galau gara-gara temen genk berantem" no more.
hahaha nope, you'll never see that kind of post again.
sebisa mungkin Sisca kembali menulis daily things yang ngga kelewat alay seperti dulu.

mungkin aku akan lebih banyak menulis tentang kehidupan perkuliahanku,
atau mungkin post-post disini masih akan tentang nostalgia, karena di blog ini terlalu banyak memori masa SMP ku.
ah, kita lihat saja nanti ke depan.
doakan saja Sisca bisa komitmen kembali ke blogspot, karena for God sake tugas kuliah semester 3 kemarin almost killed me.

udahan kali ya, Sisca menulis ini nyambi bikinin subtitle buat film sebelah.
so, later?

kecup,
siscawn.

ditulis oleh Narendrasasi (old post)

hmm... sisca udah cerita banyak ya tentang temen2nya?? sekarang aku bakalan nyeritain tetang dirinya HUAHAHAHA #evillaugh
kalian tau, apa KEBIASAAN BURUKNYA di sekolaah?????
dia itu sukanya mbanyol di sekolah!! -__-"

po'e band \m/

dia suka meragain mukanya jadi kayak babi ato apapun yang bikin anak2 ketawa ngakak
tapi, aku lebih sering ketawa ngakak kalo liat dia ketawa ngakak duluan...
yang bikin kita semua geregetan itu LOLA alias loadingnya lama -_-"
hmm... dia itu anak yang paling rame di antara po'e band -__-
aku kadang seneng banget, bersyukur banget punya temen kayak dia
tapi kadang-kadang aku ngomong gini "ya Tuhaan, kenapa aku harus punya temen kayak diaa?" sangking geregetannya sama kelakuan-kelakuannya -__________-